This is a critical question.  If I claim to be a mentor, it is a critical question.

In some ways this is the difference between mentoring and giving advice.  If I truly don’t care if you succeed, then its probably just advice.  If I don’t really care if you actually try anything new based on my suggestions, its probably just advice.  If I do not care enough to take the time to follow up on a conversation about personal development or something new you might try in an effort to improve performance, its just advice.  The only value you may get is from the effort you put in or its momentary insight.

This is not to say that all advice is bad, nor is it an assumption that everyone you interact with and receive advice from doesn’t care.  It is an illustration in the difference between a relationship that is truly mentoring and one that is not.

Mentorship requires a closed loop.  It includes identification of a problem or area of improvement, advice on how to improve, a period of trial and effort, followed by a conversation to discuss the results and outcomes.  Most often this is repeated several times over.  Possibly on the same topic or various others.

In this scenario, there is responsibility placed on both the mentor and the one being mentored.  It is a two-way relationship where the mentor takes responsibility for the advice administered and the follow up.  The individual being mentored is responsible for acting on the advice, then being honest about the results.

This question of caring is relevant here.  Do I care about you or me?  If I care about you, then I value a two-way relationship.  I enjoy seeing you succeed and develop.  I am willing to invest time one-on-one.  If I care only about myself then I will care more about a one-way relationship so that I could spread my influence.  If I care more about myself, I will value breadth over depth and will not show an interest in closing the loop.

You better care too.  If the individual being mentored does not sincerely desire to make progress in the focus area to the point that they are willing to make the sacrifices necessary to try new things, fail and try again, then the loop will not be effective.

In a moment of transparency let me share that sometimes, it’s hard to care.  I find myself battling this and have to check my attitude.  I would imagine that if you are totally honest you feel the same.  If I am unable to get over that lack of feeling, then what’s the point?  Anyone I am trying to mentor will see right through it, and why keep up the charade?  Neither of us is truly benefiting.

If you’ve noticed, people will let you down.  I know I’ve let down people that have mentored me.  I know people I have mentored have let me down.  These are the moments in which I must assess and choose if I still care.  May sound crass, but it is the honest truth.

I should be spending time with those relationships where mutual growth is occurring.  That is a good return on the time investment for everyone involved.   If I am in a rare moment of not caring it becomes a waste of time, so it is something I try to check my feelings often to keep my mind right.

Here’s another little insight.  If I am spending time with you, investing in you, asking follow up questions, then I care.  Hopefully you’ve noticed.