I’ve noticed a pattern recently.  When I get right to the point, giving honest and open feedback, people respond better.  When I try to be softer or more politically correct, as some may say, I tend to get mediocre results.  Sometimes people respond to nice suggestions by taking action, sometimes not.

At first I found this very perplexing.  My hypothesis would have been that a softer nudge might be taken better.  I was afraid a firmly worded directive would be more offensive and met with greater resistance. However, that has not been the case.  More often I am being thanked for my frank replies and honest feedback.

This has been the case in face to face meetings with both employees and customers.

This has been the case in email communication both internal and external.

The same is holding true even for my blog posts.  The posts that receive the most feedback are those with a more direct tone.  A softly worded post has never gotten a response like “Best post so far.”

I believe people seem to fall into two categories: those that are very intrinsically action oriented and those that are extrinsically action oriented.  They both respond well to being direct.  The intrinsically action oriented can take comments, complaints, feedback, etc and are already thinking about actions before I finish talking.  They are the ones that will run out directly after feedback and start getting things done immediately.  Being soft or cryptic with this group just muddies the picture so they cannot clearly see the problem they are to attack.  Clarify the target and they will succeed.  With a fuzzy target, they will hit something it just may not be the right thing.

The second group that is extrinsically action oriented tends to need more encouragement.  Nudges and suggestions are not attention grabbing.  They do not make it over the hurdle to motivate this group.  Being direct and maybe a little louder, gets their attention and leads to action.

So the moral of the story is I need to be telling what I am really thinking.  Not filterless, because it must stay appropriate and is not a license to be cruel.  Just honest, with an attitude to make it better.